Best E-mails of the Week 6/23/01

Mom and Dad are married 50 years today. Last night, we gave them the 200 page bound books we wrote this past year. Here is how brother Jim reacted to receiving his copy earlier this week:

Well the Fed Ex man must have thought that I was nuts, as I raced out of the house ran down the driveway, and stood near the door of his truck, jumping up and down like as though he was the Good Humor man, and I was a fudgesicle deprived toddler,who had been forbidden to partake of any quiescently frozen confections, since the day I was born........"Gimmee, Gimmee, Gimmee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, " I said, when he finally stepped off the truck with the envelope containing the New York Times' next great American Novel.........With a wicked publication total of ALMOST 30 copies,,,,, this one is sure to make the best sellers list........


Here is the answer to last week's question about any song that contains a reference to Connecticut or a Connecticut city. Congrats to Mike Carpenter of Ridgefield. The album is "Morrison Hotel".
Peter,
Thank you again for Best E-mails . . .! As you may
know I am a big music fan and always bore Lisa to
death by quoting song lyrics that apply to a situation
we are in. I have a million floating around in my head.
I wanted to participate in this contest using only what
I could recall rather than researching the topic. I came
up with Jim Morrison's song "Peace Frog" (I think it was
from around 1970 but am not sure). Among other lyrics
it contains one that goes "Ghosts crowd the young child's
fragile egg-shell mind, blood in the streets in the town of
New Haven". The "blood in the streets" line appears
throughout the song and is the most remembered or
recognizable of the lyrics. If you don't recognize it now
I'm sure you would if you heard it. Thanks Peter. Let me
know the winning title or lyric.

Michael


SOMETHING TO OFFEND DARN NEAR EVERYONE

==================
What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row
Your Boat."
==================
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
===================
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
==================
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
==================
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office
is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
==================
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying, "Yo."
=================
Why do drivers education classes in Redneck
schools use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed
class uses it.
=================
What's the difference between a southern zoo
and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
=================
What's the difference between a northern
fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna
believe this ...
==================
The 50-50-90 rule Anytime you have a 50-50
chance of getting something right, there's a 90%
probability you'll get it wrong.
==================
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
==================
When you go into court you are putting yourself
in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart
enough to get out of jury duty.
==================
Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you
hear them speak.
==================
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
==================


Raf graduated High School Tuesday night. Here is a message from Poland for him. It includes the proper spelling of brother Gregory Martin's namesake from our friends there.

Dear Mary and Peter,
The Suszycki family sends you all the best wishes on the graduation of your
son Rafael Richard from Ridgefield High School!!!
We also wish him - and you! - the very best in his further student`s life
at the Johnson&Wales University.
Please tell Rafael on our behalf that we are very proud of him and we are
sure he will be a good student and that he will enjoy his student`s life.
Have a great graduation day - we will be thinking you!
Barbara, Zenek, Magda and Marcin

Greg's teammates from Spring track finished their season this week. Parent Laura Fleming was at the last meet. Who is Alan Webb?

Hi guys. This is an early report from Raleigh. It looks like there was
a rain delay last night, so the Distance Medley is being run this morning.
Jeff Wilson, Aldace, Erich Kummerfeld, and Ryan Pambianci ran in the 4 x
800 Friday evening. Their event didn't start until 10:20 pm, which was
good news, bad news. This squad competed based on the qualifying times
of Steve, Luke, Carl, and Jeff, so we knew the bar was high. They ran
in the first of three heats, and they were second to last. The evening
air had cooled, and the humidity was bearable. The fast heat included
the South Lakes squad from Reston, Virginia. Their time was 7:35.33,
and included an anchor performance by Alan Webb. ...





AMERICA IS FULL OF IDIOTS
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple
of months ago: I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned
all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar
code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know
how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think
I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you
need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.Do you think
they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit
this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this
remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the
key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary
told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,
put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a
dollar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman
in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the
back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the
teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year.
My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of
time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Happy Summer. Gee, I was applauding because Thursday was the longest day of the year.

Pete