Best E-mails of the Week 6/12/01


But better never late!

Father's Day is June 17, 2001. As we discovered for Mother's Day last
month, the origin of this day is also quite interesting. It all started
back in 1909, when during a sermon on Mother's Day, Mrs. Sonora Dodd, of Washington, first had the idea of Father's Day. She reflected on how
special her father was and how she wanted a special day to honor him. Her
father was a Civil War veteran who had raised six children by himself, as
his wife died during childbirth. Mrs. Dodd realized that her father made
many parental sacrifices and was a courageous and selfless man. Because
her father was born in June, she chose to hold the first Father's Day
celebration on the 19th of June 1909. It was not until1966, when President
Lyndon Johnson officially recognized this special day when he signed a
presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June as Father's
Day.





A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the
glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns
this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police,
and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!


The Gift of Life
On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today
I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer
all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a
life span of 50 years."

The cow objected, "What? This kind of tough life you want me to live for
50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I'll give back to you."
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "What you
are supposed to do is to sit all day by the door of your house. Any
people that come in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give a life
span of 20 years."

The dog objected, "What? All day long to sit by the door? No way! I
give you back my other 10 years of life!"

So God agreed.
On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey,
"Monkeys have to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and
do monkey tricks. I'll give you 20 years life span." The monkey
objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten
years will do, and the other 10 years I'll give you back."
So God agreed.
On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to
sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. All you
need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. This kind of life, I'll give
you a 20 year life span."
The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play, sleep, do
nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years?
No way, man... why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, the dog gave you back 10 years, the monkey gave you back 10
years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years,
right?"
So God agreed.
AND THAT'S WHY....
In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do
nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and
get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our
grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks. And for the last
10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!

6/6/01 DADGOLDEN Fwd: FW: Joke of the Day (Wednesday, 30 May 2001) (N/A)


A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
"Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so
I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the
swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home,
when he spots the young woman standing waist
deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly
toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great
deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then
the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and
frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't
wearing any shoes either!"

Pete