Best E-mails of the Week 5/12/01


Won't it ever end?
Why does Pete continue to flood my computer with this nonsense each week?

The Straight Dope on Food, Health, and Exercise

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer
and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of
elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the
bench press. What did he mean?

A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air
up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if
you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you
probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No
Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind.
If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated with it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should be doing sit-ups only if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

Here is a site for cake and chocolate lovers. Mary and I met Martin at a party where he prepared this huge sculptured cake.

Martin Howard Cakes - Home -
MartinHowardCakes.com

Here is the water balloon launcher that the Boy Scouts made. I took this picture of them bombarding the other team with water balloons that Raf filled for us. It was published in the Ridgefield Press after I emailed it to them. Remember the plans I sent you a few weeks ago?

I've been on the construction site all week. Check out the heavy earth moving equipment Mary and I have hired at $4000/day. It is the last picture in our photo gallery best accessed with a high speed line or patience. It's at our web site LitchfieldLand.com
Litchfield Land Main Page (Now MountainLaurelLand.n3.net)

Big cat story
THIS IS UNREAL....YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THE SIZE OF THIS ORDINARY HOUSE CAT.
THE CAT'S HISTORY is listed below. IT IS INTERESTING HOW HE GOT THIS WAY!!

Rodger Degagne, a former employee with AECL in Chalk River, may be embarking
on a new career as Feline Breeder. Relaxing in his spacious home on the
shores of the Ottawa River, Mr. Degagne recalls how 15 years ago he
befriended two stray young cats on the old AECL research facility at Chalk
River. The kittens had appeared in late summer and apparently had gotten
under a security fence around the old labs abandoned since the late 50's.
With the help of his tuna sandwich, Mr. Degagne was able to coax the kitties close enough so that he could pick them up. A self described animal lover, he did not want to place the kittens in the local Humane Society.

In this largely rural area, cats of all stripes and ages largely go unwanted and are humanely disposed of after a few days. Later that evening his wife Louise and their two children, Nicole and Kelly came to a family decision to keep
the kittens which they named Lost and Found. Lost turned out to be female
and Found a male. When nature finally took it's course, a litter of kittens
was born 6 years later. One of the litter was a big white female with a
unique black markings on her side and tail. Something about the kitten
captured the hearts of the family and while her siblings eventually found
homes elsewhere, Snowball stayed with the Degagne's. While Lost and Found
are no longer with us, their progeny live on. In her 9 years Snowball's
size has seemed to snowball. Put simply, Snowball is no ordinary cat, she
measures 69 inches from nose to tail and weighs in at 87 Ibs. She started
out a big kitty and she just seemed to keep growing. She always meowed for
more food and would climb up on the counter to eat food which I forgot to
cover. Chicken is her favorite. "Once I left a cooked chicken on the table
that I was going to use for a boat picnic, an hour later the chicken was
gone", Louise said. We knew that snowball wasn't your average cat when the
neighbor's German Shepherd ran yelping away from his first encounter with
her. She just isn't afraid of any animals. After we found a half eaten
raccoon out by the garage, we decided that maybe Snowball should be kept
fenced in. We soon discovered that while we can keep snowball in the yard,
we couldn't keep raccoons from Snowball. At least it kept the food bills
down. Rodger laughed "Like all female cats she is very territorial, but with
us she is just a big ole kitten" he said. So what does a 87 pound cat eat?
Snowball goes through a about 3 lbs. of cat food a day, along with cooked
chicken, supplemented with deer and moose that Rodger hunts in the fall.
She likes Pike a lot, so I don't throw them back any more. Snowball often
accompanies Rodger fishing on the Ottawa, eagerly peering over the side of
the boat as soon as his line goes tight. So what do the Degagne's attribute
Snowball's size to? Rodger says "Well, the vet thinks it could be her
thyroid, but she isn't fat, she's just a real big cat. I think maybe her
parents got into something at Chalk River that they shouldn't have."



Bye
Happy 40th birthday again Bev!
Great party last night Carl!

Peter Panski