Best E-mails of the Week 4/28/01
Here's more weekend reading material.
Zen Quotations:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
..........Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not
..........follow. Do not walk beside me, either.
..........Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with
..........a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're
..........going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,
..........that's the time to do it.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced,
..........you can't be promoted.
7. Always remember you're unique.
..........Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply
..........to serve as a bad example.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover
..........your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
..........missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
..........a mile in their shoes. That way, when you
..........criticize them, you're a mile away and you
..........have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed,
..........skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
..........Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a
..........boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again,
..........it was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
..........remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you
..........are the windshield.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience,
..........and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to
..........fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome
..........of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side &
..........a dark side, and it holds the universe
together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women.
..........Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
..........when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until
..........just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
..........Then things get worse
Here's the best email card I received as a 49er.
Just one of thousands of FREE cards and animations from Egreetings.com.
or
http://www.egreetings.com/v/fh2eQCPgho
Mean Parents:
I think this could apply to DADs too!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALL THE MEAN PARENTS!!!
Someday when my children are old enough to understand
the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them:
I loved you enough...
to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time
you would be home.
I loved you enough...
to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for
yourself even though we could afford to buy one for
you.
I loved you enough...
to be silent and let you discover that your new best
friend was a creep.
I loved you enough...
to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and
tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay
for it."
I loved you enough...
to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your
room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough...
to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my
eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't
perfect.
I loved you enough...
to let you assume the responsibility for your actions
even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke
my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough...
to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those
were the most difficult battles of all.
I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will
tell them,
"Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest
mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy
for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had
to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed
us a dinner that was different from what other kids
had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times.
You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to
know who our friends were, and what we were doing with
them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for
an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to
break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to
wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum
the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of
cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night
thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were
teenagers, she could read our minds.
Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our
friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had
to come up to the door so she could meet them. While
everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we
had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things
other kids experienced. None of us have ever been
caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or
ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest
adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just
like Mom was."
I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It
just doesn't have enough mean parents.
PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MEAN PARENTS YOU KNOW - AND
THEIR CHILDREN AS WELL
Everybody who was at last year's 4th of July picnic saw the water balloon
launcher that we made from the Boy Scout project plans. Since I have to show scouts how to make 8 of them at the
May 5 Camporee, the plans are attached:
http://www.hurricanedistrict.org/pioneer/pion8.gif
http://members.nbci.com/Troop302/ballista.htm
http://www.scoutbase.org.uk/activity/pursuits/pioneer/level1/ballista.htm
http://clipart.usscouts.org/clipart/ScoutArt/ScoutingImages/blueprnt/
http://www.netwoods.com/Graphics/catapult85.gif
http://www.netwoods.com/Graphics/catapult-m4.gif
More jokes
A POTATO TRAGEDY
Every now and then you have to pass along a joke from someone who
obviously has no life!!
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had
eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one,
a real sweet potato, whom they called 'Yam.'
They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts
of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked because
she could get Mashed, get a bad name like 'Hot Potato,' and then end
up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry, "No Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and
make a Rotten Potato out of her!" But she wouldn't stay home and become
a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as
not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to
watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland. And even the greasy guys
from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch
out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped.
She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't
associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other
side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see
around town that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to Idaho
P. U. , that's Potato University, where the Big Potatoes come from.
When she graduates, she'll really be in the Chips.
But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him
because he's just a...
Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?> >>
OK! Here it is! Remember I warned you!
COMMENTATOR
enuf!
Pierre
