Best E-mails of the Week 4/21/01

Here are emails from this week:

Some of you have seen it as Colin Powell's apology to the Chinese. Others of you might laugh at it. (Not included on web site.)

Subject: Chocolate Math
This is pretty neat how it works out.
> > > >This is cool chocolate math!!!!!!!
> > > >DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
> > > >It only takes about a minute.......
> > > >Work this out as you read.
> > > >Be sure you don't read the bottom until
> > > >you've worked it out!
> > > >This is not one of those waste of time
> > > >things, it's fun.
> > > >
> > > >1. First of all, pick the number of times a
> > > >week that you would like
> > > >to have chocolate. (try for more than once
> > > >but less than 10)

> > > >2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be
> > > >bold)

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)

4. Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid)

> > > >I'll wait while you get the
> > > >calculator................

> > > >5. If you have already had your birthday
> > > >this year add 1751....

> > > >If you haven't, add 1750 ..........

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you
> > > >were born. (if you
> > > >remember)

You should have a three digit number .....

The first digit of this was your original
> > > >number (i.e., how many
> > > >times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are your age.

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2001) IT WILL EVER
WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND


***********************************

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the
lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation,"she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

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One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the
father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

**************************

And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

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A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he
went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he
gets loose, will he hurt us?"

**************************

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by
the door? They're hushers."

**************************

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait. '
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

**************************

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a
seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment
and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

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After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what
you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

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A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell
her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded,
"I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife!"

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"Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is his name...."

And more of the same:

FROM THE MOUTHS OF CHILDREN...
> >
> > A couple of little girls were playing on the
> > playground at kindergarten > > recently.
> > One suggested to the other that they
> > play house. She said "I will be the wife
> > and you can be the ex-wife."
> >
> > *********************************************
> > A three-year-old went with his dad to see a
> > litter of kittens. On returning home, he
> > breathlessly informed his mother there
> > were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
> > "How did you know," his mother asked?
> > "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath"
> > he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
> >
> > ***************************************
> > Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.
> > His mother noticed the left was on the right foot.
> > "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
> > He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,
> > "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."
> >
> > ****************************************
> > On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher
> > said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up
> > two fingers." A little voice from the back of the
> > room asked,
> > "How will that help?"
> >
> > *********************************
> > A mother and her young son returned from the grocery
> > store and began putting away the groceries.
> > The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread
> > them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his
> > mother
> > asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is
> > broken,"
> > the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
> >
> > *****************************************
> > A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.
> > He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take
> > his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked
> > back and was turned to salt."
> > His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"



Pete