Ray and Roxie,

Please be careful when you fly down to visit Gerry and Wil in Florida on Christmas Eve night!

A Christmas web site card:

http://cherubimschristmas.homestead.com/gift4.html

 

 

Some Christmas or anytime PUNishment:

1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were
unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we'll never know
for whom the Tells bowled.

2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted,
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"  The doctor calmly
responded, "Now, settle down and wait your turn. You'll just
have to be a little patient."

3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed
a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran
out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them,
he carefully stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested
and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for
immortal porpoises.

4) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American
folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal shaman who
indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure
cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist
expresed his doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "Let
me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of
Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already
made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses
for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although
their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad
that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California. This, of course, is the origin of the
expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all
the lavatory equipment. At news conference later, a
spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely
nothing to go on."

7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
medicine man.  After a brief examination, the medicine man
took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the
chief,  instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of
the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned
to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
found his name missing from the town register. His wife
insisted on complaining to the local civic official who
apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my
census."

9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin,
one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus
skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a
baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had
twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus
is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

10) By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns. He
entered them and one other in a contest. He figured with 10
entries he couldn't lose.  As they were reading the list of
winners he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but
unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

 

Here are three more illusions. Can you see the forest for the trees?

Re hunting:

To the Editor:

Re "After Cheney's Private Hunt, Others Take Their Shots" (White House Letter, Dec. 15):

The surprising news that Vice President Dick Cheney participated in a bird hunt, in which he himself killed more than 70 pheasants raised in pens, was most disheartening, to say the least.

It appears that the birds didn't even get the opportunity to defend themselves by running away.

We look to our leaders for a sense of justice and fair play.

In this season of peace and joy, one would like to see a little more compassion for those who are less fortunate — even pheasants.

PAUL MARSOLINI
New York, Dec. 15, 2003

From the NYTimes this week.

If only our current VP had the grace and character of our third VP.

 

 

Instead of hunting, why don't people go fishing instead?

Here's why

(This video uses 5% of my storage)

 

 

 

Pete