Best E-mails of the Week 12/2/01
Stock Market Definitions
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets
no sex.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
"Buy, Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you Step off the plane.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho.
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan - Is God
Follow up on Morris
Oh Sarah, I just heard the news" said Esther to her blonde friend.
"You poor dear. Your husband Morris drowned.
At least he left you ten million dollars.
It's amazing that he made so much money, yet he couldn't even read or write."
Sarah smiled, "Yeah, thank God he couldn't swim either."
A husband and wife were watching the devastation on TV of the World Trade Center; the videos of different countries
around the world; crying with Americans over the events of the past few weeks; reporters updating and attempting
to analyze political strategy; President Bush making speeches.
The wife turns to the husband and says, "I'm so thankful that Bush is our President. He is doing such
a wonderful job."
The husband turns to the wife and says, "All right, that's enough, Tipper!"
Bette Midler's The Rose song and
video site
http://autumn.www1.50megs.com/hypnoticrose.html
All of our nieces and nephews on Mary's side (except Brian, and including Landon) taken Thanksgiving in Kansas.
(On the my family side, there were wonderful E-mails this week remembering
and honoring Grandma Josephine Izzo Tavino who would have been 100 yesterday.)
Have you made movie reservations for sold out shows on line yet? If so,
here's what Fandango e-mails back to you: Thank you for purchasing your tickets at Fandango.
We hope you enjoy your show! You may pick up your tickets anytime between now and the start of your movie. PLEASE
BRING WITH YOU TO THE THEATER THE CREDIT CARD YOU USED TO PURCHASE THE TICKETS. If you experience problems retrieving
your tickets at the theater, ask for the theater manager on duty. We appreciate your business. Valid IDs will be
required to attend R rated movies. Child tickets are valid for children 12 and under. Students will be required
to present a student ID. No refunds or changes are allowed. You purchased 2 tickets for the 6:00PM showing of Harry
Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on 11/21/01 at Loews Cineplex Danbury, located at 4-6 International Drive in Danbury
for a total of $19.00. You must bring with you to the theater the credit card you used to purchase the tickets!
Bill, Great having lunch with you Friday. If 11 year old Nathaniel wants
the real scoop on how Chase Manhattan Bank was formed to thwart that crook Alexander Hamilton by my hero
Aaron Burr, check out my web site that was also published in our Union College newspaper Condordiensis April 19:
Next week starts the voting for Best E-mails of the Year! Start to think
about your favorite joke, picture, story or site, from the start in March 'til December. Prizes and a "chance"
to win $1000! Details to follow.
Anyone betting on Rudy Giulliani for Time's Man of the Year?
PeteJ