Best E-mails of the Week 11/22/01

Happy Thanksgiving! Here's a holiday scene from my mother-in-law Florence:

It was great to see that German Chancellor Gerhard Schroder won a 336-326 vote to deploy 3,900 troops in Afghanistan to help us. This is the first time since 1945 that German forces are active outside NATO. Cograts Magda, (a regular recipient of Best E-mails and an intern for the German president in Berlin). We love this cooperation. Here is a picture from Liz of the German navy ship described by an American sailor in a previous Best E-mail:

If you read the email going around about the number "11" for the
past few weeks, consider David's response to it.
Original Letter:
The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year.
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
I Have More....... State of New York - The 11th State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters Afghanistan - 11 Letters The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack at the WTC in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11 Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11
DAVID'S RESPONSE
Oh my God! How worried should I be? There are 11 letters in
the name "David Pawson!" I'm going into hiding NOW. See you in a few weeks.
Wait a sec ... just realized "YOU CAN'T HIDE" also has 11 letters!
What am I gonna do? Help me!!! The terrorists are after me! ME! I can't believe it!
Oh no, there must be some place on the planet Earth I could hide! But no..."PLANET EARTH" has 11 letters, too!
Maybe Nostradamus can help me. But dare I trust him? There are 11 letters in "NOSTRADAMUS."
I know, the Red Cross can help. No they can't... 11 letters in "THE RED CROSS"...can't trust them.
I would rely on self defense, but "SELF DEFENSE" has 11 letters in it, too!
Can someone help? Anyone? If so, send me email. No, don't... "SEND ME EMAIL" has 11 letters....
Will this never end? I'm going insane! "GOING INSANE???" Eleven letters!!
Nooooooooooo!!!!!! I guess I'll die alone, even though "I'LL DIE ALONE" has 11 letters.....
Oh my God, I just realized that America is doomed! Our Independence Day is July 4th ... 7/4 ... 7+4=11!
Dave

I saw the whole TV concert with the reunion of the Jackson five.

Michael can moon walk better than Raf, but he can be a bit feminine:

RUFUS AND CLARENCE
There were two old geezers
living in the backwoods of the Ozarks....
Rufus and Clarence.
They lived on opposite sides of the river,
and they hated each other.
Every morning, just after sun-up,
Rufus and Clarence would go down to
their respective sides of the river
and yell at each other.
"Rufus!!" Clarence would shout.
"You better thank yor lucky stars I cain't swim....
er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!"
"Clarence!!!" Rufus would holler back.
"You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I cain't swim...
er I'd swim this river and whup your skinny butt!!!"
This happened every morning for twenty years.
One day the Army Corps of Engineers
comes along and build a bridge.
Still, every morning, every day
for another five years this yelling
across the river goes on, even with the bridge.
Finally....Mrs.Rufus had had enough. "Rufus!" she squallers one day.
"I cain't take no more!!
Ever day for 25 years
you've been threatenin' to whup Clarence.
Well, there's the bridge......have at it."
Rufus thought for a moment.
Chewed his bottom lip for another moment.
"Woman!" he declared, snapping his suspenders into place,
"I'm gonna across that thar bridge and
I'm gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
He walked out the door, down to the river,
along the riverbank, came to the bridge,
stepped up onto the bridge,
walked about halfway over the bridge,
looked up.....
TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING
BACK TO THE HOUSE,
SLAMMED THE DOOR,
BOLTED THE WINDOWS,
GRABBED THE SHOTGUN
AND DOVE, PANTING AND GASPING,
UNDER THE BED!!!!!
"Rufus!" cried the misses.
"I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence's butt!!!"
"I was, woman, I was!!" he whispered.
"Rufus!" cried the misses.
"What in tarnation is the matter?"!
"Well," muttered the terror-stricken Rufus,
" I went to the bridge......
I stepped up on the bridge.....
walked halfway over the bridge....
looked up....."
"And?" asked Mrs. Rufus,
breathless with suspense.
"And," continued Rufus,
"I saw a sign that said
"Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches"
he ain't never looked that big
from the other side of the river!!!!!!!"

Well we're headed over the river and through the woods to Vermont for Thanksgiving dinner today.

Hope there's no Big Clarence signs over the Connecticut River!

Pete