Best E-mails of the Week 11/16/03
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle. It came upon two
people sitting in a clearing. One was reading a book, while
the other typed away on a laptop. The lion immediately pounced on the one with the book and devoured the poor victim, then walked away, sparing the life of the other. Why? Because everyone know readers digest while writers cramp.
A
couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend
If I were cynical, I would surmise the following:
How fascinating to have an email address that reads: My Loving Wife Is it: My Loving Wife @Yahoo.com?
And coincidentally sent from Your Departed Husband Was his address Your Departed Husband @ hotmail.com?
Warning This unedited article contains adult themes and slang. It just barely passes Best Email censure because it's pretty funny .
CITY OF NEW YORK - REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME______________________________ GANG NAME________________________ 1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit? 3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need? 4) Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900? 5) Raoul got 6 years for murder, He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? **Extra credit question: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?? 6) If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet , how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint? 7) Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up? 8) Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. if Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa with one weeks salary? 9) Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his Magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked? REMEMBER: SAY NO TO DRUGS, GOOD LUCK & NO TALKING
>Subject: A Day at Baltimore Airport
>Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 12:20:54 EST
>The writer and his wife live in LA and both work for Uncle Sam.
>Dear Friends and Family,
>I hope that you will spare me a few minutes of your time to tell you about
>something that I saw on Monday, October 27.
>I had been attending a conference in Annapolis and was coming home on
>Sunday. As you may recall, Los Angeles International Airport was closed on Sunday,
>October 26, because of the fires that affected air traffic control.
>Accordingly, my flight, and many others, were canceled and I wound up spending a night
>in Baltimore.
>My story begins the next day. When I went to check in at the United counter
>Monday morning I saw a lot of soldiers home from Iraq. Most were very young
>and all had on their desert camouflage uniforms. This was as change from
>earlier, when they had to buy civilian clothes in Kuwait to fly home. It was a
>visible reminder that we are in a war. It probably was pretty close to what
>train terminals were like in World War II.
Many people were stopping the troops to talk to them, asking them questions
>in the Starbucks line or just saying "Welcome Home." In addition to all the
>flights that had been canceled on Sunday, the weather was terrible in Baltimore
>and the flights were backed up. So, there were a lot of unhappy people in
>the terminal trying to get home, but nobody that I saw gave the soldiers a bad
>time.
By the afternoon, one plane to Denver had been delayed several hours. United
>personnel kept asking for volunteers to give up their seats and take another
>flight. They weren't getting many takers. Finally, a United spokeswoman got
>on the PA and said this, "Folks. As you can see, there are a lot of soldiers
>in the waiting area. They only have 14 days of leave and we're trying to get
>them where they need to go without spending any more time in an airport then
>they have to. We sold them all tickets, knowing we would oversell the flight.
>If we can, we want to get them all on this flight. We want all the soldiers
>to know that we respect what you're doing, we are here for you and we love
>you."
At that, the entire terminal of cranky, tired, travel-weary people, a
>cross-section of America, broke into sustained and heartfelt applause. The soldiers
>looked surprised and very modest. Most of them just looked at their boots.
>Many of us were wiping away tears.
And, yes, people lined up to take the later flight and all the soldiers went
>to Denver on that flight.
That little moment made me proud to be an American, and also told me why we
>will win this war.
If you want to send my little story on to your friends and family, feel
>free. This is not some urban legend. I was there, I was part of it, I saw it
>happen.
Will Ross, Administrative Judge, United States Department of Defense
Gee I thought in this country, the soldiers sacrificed their seats so the skiers could get to Vail in time for evening cocktails.
Here is a unique Operations Chart from the NY Times for April, June, August and October showing conditions slowly improving in Iraq. |
HIGHWAY 109
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Here is a photo finish of my sister Joanne's son Bob's race Saturday in Philadelphia. The winning boat was American University who beat Loyola (the bottom boat) by .02 seconds.
Bob is second from the front of the Loyola
boat, sitting up the straightest in his green hat.
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DON'T
EVER DIAL AREA CODE 809
Master and Commander is great. If you like 200 year old ships and the men who braved them, and if you like the scenery from the Galapagos Islands, this film is a must see. You have to listen carefully to hear the old British humor.
Here is mid November from our new front door with a view of my favorite museum: the center building. |
Here is our friend and attorney Peter with his nephew Tommy giving us an important present for near our front door. It is a granite stagecoach stepping stone. If guests arrive by coach to visit us, they can step onto our stone first. Or if they arrive by my Expedition, they no longer need a ladder to get out. Thank you again Peter and Eileen. Mary and I hope you enjoy the 6 foot long rock we gave you in return for your rock garden. It is from Ted and Ursula's driveway in 1988, the namesake subdivision project of our Development Corp. While the gigantic Link Belt excavator was removing it, a branch in its bucket hit my head. I saw my blood dripping on the ground and fell unconscious. In the hospital with my fractured skull, the doctor told me the swelling was my brain coming through. I still have that scar, and now Peter has my memento, while we have the wonderful stagecoach stone. Here it is in place:
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Editing another weekly edition
that is totally hotness, Pete |
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