Best Funny E-mails of the Week 11/15/01

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the aftershave. Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a house of ill repute."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead. My wife Laura doesn't know what the inside of such a place smells like."

Birthday Wishes
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
>"I'd love to be eight again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright
>and early and off they went to a local theme park.
>What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the
>Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear -
>everything there was! Wow!
>Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park,
>her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to
>a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her
>a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing
>chocolate shake.
>Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars pic,
>and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.
>What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home
>with her husband and collapsed into bed.
>
>He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what
>was it like being eight again?
>
>One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
>
>The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a
>man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

Kids on the Subject of Marriage:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

> > > > You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
> > > > like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
> > > > should keep the chips and dip coming.
> > > > --Alan, age 10
> > > >
> > > > No person really decides before they grow up who they're going
> > > > to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out
> > > > later who you're stuck with.
> > > > --Kirsten, age 10
> > > >
> > > > WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
> > > >
> > > > Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person
> > > > FOREVER by then.
> > > > --Camille, age 10
> > > >
> > > > No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
> > > > married.
> > > > --Freddie, age 6
> > > >
> > > > HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
> > > >
> > > > You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
> > > > yelling at the same kids.
> > > > --Derrick, age 8
> > > >
> > > > WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
> > > >
> > > > Both don't want any more kids.
> > > > --Lori, age 8
> > > >
> > > > WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
> > > >
> > > > Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
> > > > know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen
> > > > long enough.
> > > > --Lynnette, age 8
> > > >
> > > > On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
> > > > usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
> > > > --Martin, age 10
> > > >
> > > > WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
> > > >
> > > > I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
> > > > newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
> > > > columns.
> > > > --Craig, age 9
> > > >
> > > > WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
> > > >
> > > > When they're rich.
> > > > --Pam, age 7
> > > >
> > > > The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
> > > > mess with that.
> > > > --Curt, age 7
> > > >
> > > > The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
> > > > marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
> > > > --Howard, age 8
> > > >
> > > > IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
> > > >
> > > > I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
> > > > never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all
> > > > grossed out.
> > > > --Theodore, age 8
> > > >
> > > > It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
> > > > someone to clean up after them.
> > > > --Anita, age 9
> > > >
> > > > HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
> > > >
> > > > There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
> > > > --Kelvin, age 8
> > > >
> > > > "And the #1 Favorite is........"
> > > >
> > > > HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
> > > >
> > > > Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a
> > > > truck.
> > > > --Ricky, age 10