Best E-mails of the Week 10/22/01

This e-mail is a reminder to young people to choose their dates carefully. Interesting romantic twist, and warning. (Do I believe this? No.)
Hi All -
I think you all know that I don't send out hoaxes and don't do the reactionary thing and send out anything that crosses my path. This one, however, is a friend of a friend and I've given it enough credibility in my mind that I'm writing it up and sending it out to all of you.
My friend's friend was dating a guy from Afghanistan up until a month ago. She had a date with him around 9/6 and was stood up. She was understandably upset and went to his home to find it completely emptied. On 9/10, she received a letter from her boyfriend explaining that he wished he could tell her why he had left and that he was sorry it had to be like that. The part worth mentioning is that he BEGGED her not to get on any commercial airlines on 9/11 and to not to go any malls on Halloween. As soon as everything happened on the 11th, she called the FBI and has since turned over the letter.
This is not an email that I've received and decided to pass on. This came from a phone conversation with a long-time friend of mine last night.

From my sister Joanne:
Just felt like writing all of my brothers today since we don't correspond like we used to last year. I guess it helps when you have a specific reason to write such as last year's book. And now we have no reason... except to say my reason tonight. I think the emotions were really triggered by my and Bobby's trip yesterday. We went to Georgetown University. (He applied early action there). We had a great trip and a nice day. We decided afterward to go see the Pentagon. We were thinking we might get a view off the highway and just drive by. Now wouldn't you think we shouldn't really be able to get too close? Well bros, you be wrong. We exited off the ramp of Rt 27 where the big green sign said Pentagon -. We followed the ramp off the highway which leads you right into the Pentagon Parking lot. Now you would think there might be a stop point, such as a gate or a man (a guard possibly?) in a little booth. No there is not. There is nothing but a big parking lot. So we pulled into the parking lot and parked right in front of the god forsaken blown apart pentagon, got out of our car and walked around to the hill right in front of the devastation and took pictures. What the Hell?! By the way it was quite sad. I suppose we would have been stopped had we tried to walk towards the building (you think?). Maybe everyone is too busy chasing Anthrax spores to be guarding the Pentagon. Well, we got our pictures (as did a group of about 10-15 other unauthorized who know whos) and we were on our way. Our trip up was so quick that we arrived in NYC about 5:00-5:30. So we then decided to take the Holland tunnel in to see "Ground Zero". We parked five blocks away and walked to Broadway and Liberty (about 2 blocks away from the WTC). There was a little more security down there. Cops, National Guardsman,etc. all over the place. We couldn't see alot, but saw enough. Again, very sad, quiet, almost surreal. There was dust all over the windows and buildings where we were and alot of people wrote in the dust names of loved ones lost, God Bless America, etc. I wanted to go see for myself because the whole thing had not seemed real to me, but to tell you the truth seeing it didn't make it any more believable. I still cannot believe what has happened. We were watching TV Monday night in the hotel and a commercial came on for the 11:00 news stating they had found more Anthrax (wherever it was that day), and details at 11:00. Bob turned to me and said "Something is wrong when they don't interrupt programming, but just say details at 11:00 because this has become normal". Damn! Who would've thought we'd be where we are today? Well, I just needed to get some of that off my chest cause it seems no one is talking about events lately because it has become tedious and disheartening. Thank goodness we all have work and school to keep us busy, because honestly I'd be nuts if I was home all day thinking about this stuff. Take care, thanks for listening. Jo

Back to the Afgan Humor:
Afghanistan TV Schedule for the week of 10/15

MONDAY
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 The Weakest Link in Russia's Fence
10:00 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY
8:00 Wheel of Terror and Fortune
8:30 The Price is Right if Usama Says Its Right
9:00 Children Are Forbidden From Saying the Darndest Things
9:30 Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

WEDNESDAY
8:00 U.S. Military Secrets Revealed
8:30 When Northern Alliance Attack
9:00 Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread
9:30 Just Shoot Everyone
10:00 No Law No Order

THURSDAY
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet of Long Black Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 My Two Baghdads
10:00 Diagnosis: Heresy

FRIDAY
8:00 Judge Laden
8:30 Funniest Super 8 Home Movies
9:00 Veilwatch
9:30 Achmeds Creek
10:00 No-Witness news
11:00 Beavis and Raghead
11:30 This Old Tent with Bob Villain

NEWS FLASH
SUNDAY EVENING
11:00 BOMBS AWAY!!!

Here's an animated web site about the bombing set to reggae music
http://www.gotlaughs.com/funpages/bin2.swf


Three Buttons:
Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough. "I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!" A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation. They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!" George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan??"




AFTER MUCH CAREFUL RESEARCH, IT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED THAT THE ARTIST
VINCENT VAN GOGH HAD MANY RELATIVES. AMOUNG THEM WERE....


HIS DIZZY AUNT...............
VERTI GOGH
THE BROTHER WHO ATE PRUNES......
GOTTA GOGH
THE CONSTIPATED UNCLE
CANT GOGH
THE BROTHER WHO WORKED AT A CONVENIENCE STORE.....STOPN GOGH
THE GRANDFATHER FROM YUGOSLAVIA U GO
THE BROTHER WHO BLEACHED HIS CLOTHES WHITE HUE GOGH
THE COUSIN FROM ILLINOIS
CHICA GOGH
HIS MAGICIAN UNCLE
WHEREDIDDY GOGH
HIS MEXICAN COUSIN
AMEE GOGH
THE MEXICAN COUSIN'S AMERICAN HALF BROTHER GRIN GOGH
THE BALLROOM DANCING AUNT
TAN GOGH
A SISTER WHO LOVED DISCO GO GOGH
THE NEPHEW WHO DROVE A STAGE COACH WELLSFAR GOGH
THE BIRD LOVE UNCLE FLAMIN GOGH
HIS NEPHEW PSCHOANALYST E. GOGH
THE FRUIT LOVING COUSIN MAN GOGH
AN AUNT WHO TAUGHT POSITIVE THINKING WAYTO GOGH
THE LITTLE BOUNCY NEPHEW POE GOGH
AND HIS NIECE WHO TRAVELS THE COUNTRY IN A VAN WINNIE BAY GOGH

And now I go.
Pete