Best E

And the bartender says, "No, you can't have the soup, and we don't serve
quackers"

> 1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

   > 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."

   > 3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we
> don't serve food in here."

   > 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

   > 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
   > arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

   > 6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get
   > married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
   > was brilliant.

   > 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
   > "Does this taste funny to you?"

> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
> home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it
> common?" "It's not unusual."

> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says
   > to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
   > don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
> exclaimed Daisy.

   > 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
> electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
> "Yes, I'm positive..."

   > 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
> cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says
> the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and
> examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
> going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-
> eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

> 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

> 15. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a
mussel.

   > 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they
lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

   > 17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A fsh

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.....
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Thanks Roxie,

I love positive input regarding the female!