Best E

Spotting the befuddled CEO holding a piece of paper and standing by the shredder, the assistant decided to help.

"Great," said the CEO as his paper disappeared into the machine. "I just need one copy."

I couldn't resist taking that from Reader's Digest which often prints e-mails first found here.

Worse Than Red Meat

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to

have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. "Red

meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach

lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us

realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our

drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the

most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it.

Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most

grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old

Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said,

"Vedding Cake?"

Marriage Seminar

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg

listened to the instructor declare,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are

important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower ?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury

All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.

Please Turn ON your sound and give this one a listen. (It's about e-mails)

http://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net/~jon/humor/web_animations/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.

He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howitzer. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.

He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.

He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.

He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.

Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.

He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot.. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets.

Prayer Wheel

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."

Prayer : When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in

Afghanistan

, sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and for those at war in

Iraq

. There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful....... Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one.