Best E-mails of the Week    9/1/02

 

A dark night outside a small town, a fire started
> > inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it
> > exploded into flames. The alarm went to the fire
> > departments from miles around.
> > When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene,
> > the chemical company president rushed to the fire
> > chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the
> > vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved.
> > I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings
> > them out intact."
> > But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
> > Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the
> > situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived,
> > the president shouted out that the offer was now
> > $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out
> > the company's secret files.
> > >From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another
> > fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural
> > township volunteer fire company composed entirely of
> > men over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the
> > little run-down fire engine passed all the newer sleek
> > engines parked outside the plant and drove straight
> > into the middle of the inferno.
> > Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers
> > jumped off and began to fight the fire with a
> > performance and effort never seen before.
> > Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished
> > the fire and saved the secret formulas.
> > The grateful chemical company president joyfully
> > announced that for such a superhuman feat he was
> > upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to
> > personally thank each of the brave, though elderly,
> > fire fighters.
> > The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing
> > the event on film asking. "What are you going to do
> > with all that money?"
> > "Well," said the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first
> > thing we are going to do is fix the brakes on that
> > damned truck.!"

 

 

Never let it be said that Australian ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. P stands for the Problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands for the Corrective Action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


 

Mothers from History:

 COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still  could have written!"

 MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children?
 Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

 NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

 ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you
 just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

 MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,
 but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

 ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do
 something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

 GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money
 across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

 THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the
 electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

 PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go,
 young man, midnight is past your curfew."
 

Here is a photo of the boys biological sister Elizabeth with her husband Peter and daughters Marta and Yvonne.

Do you see the resemblance?

 

Here is a barbeque truck Texas style. Lyle must have seen this at one of his race car events.

 

Please join us on 9/11.....................we have a few weeks to get the word out all across this great land we love and call the United States of America. Let's see how powerful e-mail can be!

On Wednesday, September 11, 2002, everyone in the USA who will be driving a
motor vehicle is asked to drive with their headlights on during daylight hours. Though no explanation is needed as to why we are commemorating September 11, we hope more importantly to pay respect to the victims of that day, show our nation's solidarity and show support for our men and women of the Armed Forces.


Pete


 

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