Best E-mails of the Week 8/17/03


 


 

Once upon a time
There lived a king. The King had a
beautiful daughter, the Princess.













 


But the kingdom was a sad place.


There was no laughter, and no joy.


T
he problem was, that

 
everything
the Princess touched would melt.


No matter what, metal, wood


plastic...anything she touched would melt!!




Because of this, men were afraid of her.


Nobody would dare marry her.


The king despaired

.
What could he do to help his

 
beautiful daughter?


He consulted his wizards and magicians.










 








 


One wizard told the king, "If your


daughter touches one thing that


does not melt in her hands, she


will be cured."




The King was overjoyed. The next


day, he held a competition. Any man


who could bring his daughter an


object that would not melt at her


touch, would marry her and inherit


the King's wealth.


Three young princes took up the challenge.








 








 


The first Prince brought a very hard


alloy of titanium.


When the Princess touched it, it


melted. The Prince went away sadly.



The second Prince brought a huge


diamond, thinking that diamond is


the hardest substance in the world


and will not melt.








 








 


But, alas, once the Princess touched


it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.



The third Prince approached. He


told the Princess, "Put your hand


in this chalice, and feel what is in there."


The Princess did as she was told.







She felt something. She held


it in her hand...and it did not melt!!









 








 


The King was overjoyed!


Everybody in the kingdom was


overjoyed!

 

And the third Prince married the


Princess and the both lived

 
h
appily ever after.



The question is?!?!?!?


What WAS the object in the Prince's pocket???
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They were M&M's, of course.


THEY melt in your MOUTH,


NOT in your HAND!!


 

 


Child Support

Today is my daughters 18th birthday......I'm so glad that this is my
last damn child support payment.  Month after month, year after
year,....those damn payments.  So I called my baby girl to come over to my house, and
when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last
check over to your mothers house and tell her this is the last damn check
she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to tell me the expression on
her face."  So my baby girl took the check over to her.

I was so anxious to hear what the b&% had to say and what she looked
like.
As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "now what did she have
to say?"

"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy....."

 

 

 

Application for Minnesotazenship
 
Personal Information:

Name ___________________son                Sex: _____ Ole _____ Lena

Home Address_________________________________________________

Cabin Address_____________________________________

Religion: _____ Lutheran ______ Catholic

Income: _____We do OK _____We're Blessed _____ None of your beeswax !

Qualifications: (check all that apply)

___ I own a gas powered ice auger.

___ Fargo floods hit a little close to home.

___ I can name a dozen celebrities who've stayed at the Mayo

___ I've been trick or treating in two feet of snow.

___ My grandmother made me eat lutefisk.

___ I liked it!

___ I've been to a block party.

___ My first beer was an Old Milwaukee.

___ My snowmobile has more miles on it than my car.

___ Despite what everyone else says I DON'T HAVE AN ACCENT! (For sure,
        you bet I don't.)

True/ False:

__ I actually listen to telemarketers.

___ "Have a Nice Day" is an ORDER! 

___ TV news anchors are celebrities.
 
___ Part of my tongue is on a flagpole somewhere.

___ It's not a rubber binder! It's a rubber band.

___ They mistake pop for "soda" or "coke" in most other states.

___ Hot Dish is neither a beautiful woman nor an overheated plate.

___ Paw is both a hand and the male parent.

Multiple Choice:

It's time to wear a hat when:

A) The temperature is below 10 degrees.

B) Your mother tells you to!

C) The temperature is -10 and the wind chill is in double digits.

Essay Questions:

1 . What "uff-da" means to me ____________________________________

2. What "oopsy daisy" means to me _____________________________

You know you're from Minnesota when.....

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor.

2. "Vacation" means going to Brainerd for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in hours.

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. 

5. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
 
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

7. Your grandparents drive 65 mph through 13 inches of snow during a blizzard,
without flinching.

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes to social events.

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both doors unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as venison, walleye, and Leinenkugels.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.

13. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel p.j.'s.

16. You know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have   to stop to talk to everyone in town. 

18. You actually understand these 'jokes.'
 

 

No Sue and Manfred are not in Minnesota in August, they are at Mount McKinley


 

CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH MARS
                  
Never again in your (or my) lifetime will the Red Planet be so
spectacular.  This July and August, Earth is catching up with mars, an
encounter that  will  culminate in the closest approach between the two
planets in recorded history.
                  
The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way
Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can
only
be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the last 5,000
years but it  may be as long as 60,000 years. The encounter will
culminate
on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles and will be
(next
to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky.
                  
It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds
wide.
                  
At a modest 75-power magnification Mars will look as large as the full
moon to he naked eye. Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of
August
Mars will rise in the east at 10 p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3
a.m.
But by the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise
at
nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30 a.m. That's
pretty convenient when it comes to seeing something that no human has
seen
in recorded history.
                  
So, mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow
progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share this!
                  
No one alive today will ever see this again.     

 

 

 

Le maison

Pete

 

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