Best E-mails of the Week 08/15/04.   

 

 

PeterJohn   ...........
 
here is a story i wrote based on my real life

 experience...hahahahhah......i hope you enjoy it.....send

 me your feedback.....    jmy  o[:-) 

 

This must be read slowly and carefully to enjoy some of the best writing to appear on this web site.

I loved it the second time I read it too, but take it line by line.

My younger brother can really use a keyboard to tell his story.

Just like he uses his parachute to live out his dream.

I admire that Jim is passionate about his hobby.

Are you passionate about anything?

 


 

Ifffff... you have alot of time on your hands and a willingness to read something kinda silly............
The LONG      version is as follows....
 
 

It was looking like it was  gonna be one of those days.....

Lots of students, each with a half a dozen Whuffo admirers ; - ) 
 just barely enough staff, coping with clouds,
 go go go, most of the day.....gettin' it done......
Joey started the chant   around the middle of the afternoon,,,,, 
 "big way later......"
...and many,,,,,  for whom the  words had significance,  nodded their willingness to be part of it,,,,,
 and the list began to grow......
    The next load  was goin' up......carrying tandems... and some  solos,, and a 4 way,, and of course the freeflyers..... Ah the freeflyers !!!   What would we do without them!!  ??  Those dear freaks.... laughing at the belly flyers,,,,, 
Pooh Poohing the "non headdowners"..... making light of the "flatheads"...... Usurping the very camera step and camera handle,,, to achieve their intended mission,, launching  with grins on their faces ....  "a 4 way head down flower cluster back tracking  never a cork  always in frame  Diamond.3 lens, top notch demonstration of   freakamonium,,,,, par excellAnce.......
( and OH Yes !!!!  They ALL want to be on the next load ) ( and WILL )  
 
 

 "I want to stand on your container jimmy"... said Brian Maher.......

 " No can do, Brother",,,,, replied the Batrack Boy......
" I 'm goin' on a " big way later..."....Brian was crushed.... : - )     
The only thing to make him feel better was to  come zoomin' in over the  parking lot,,,, swoooooping the hell outta the  traffic cones.... which he did superbly..... the other guys were keepin' the downwinders out near the windsock....
... " Can you do a tandem video on load  8" ???  asked Kelly....Jimmy looked up....." hmmmmm  for YOU Kelly?? of course!!!!  was the reply,,,,, "just so long as i can still do the    "big way later"....
.Matter of fact...... he thought..." If I do the tandem load..... then the  "big way later" will be # 2,900. "....           
 "hahahahahahahaha.".. he  laughed, maniacally.....this will be just perfect.....",,,
as he considered the sunset  load.......
Well hurry hurry hurry,,, can you say Back to Back?.....the student would just have to wait til the Big Way was over,, for his video..... But while they waited,,, he and his buddy would be able to witness,,, " a big way later"...... we were all pumped up.....
Chuck was enlisted to video the dive,,, and Joey Larry and Tim,, built the base 3..... Brandy floated, and Kristie floated, and Susie, Janny and Jimmy  dove.......Yeeee Hahhhhh!!!!!
 

we were  SKYDIVIN'............ and with a sweet view of the sun , orange  as a peach,,, guiding our way,,, as it streaked it's dying rays eastward,,, 

through  a crack in the cloud deck......Hahahahaha......"Him Him...".... (well you all know the rest) they     cried out at 10 grand..... It seemed the freaks,, yelled "%&* Him!!! " the loudest..... Jimmy took it as the complement it was intended to be !..... and even punched fists with  those  lovable aerial dolphins !!   .....
 

Nearly at  10 grand,,,   and the  wide angle camera won't energize......... 

  Drat... damn..... blasted  thing.....   all ready to go and  "No Joy"....
"must be battery",, he thought,,, " at least i HOPE that's all it is..."..unless something is broken..
      It would be an omen of things soon to come..... 
Hook the camera up to the helmet,,, secure the keeper strap, don't even turn it on,,,, wait for red,,, Juice the VX-1000... wait for green,,,, "Yeah yeah yeah,,,, getouttttt!!!!!!!"...

 

Ready set GoOOOO~!.... one hand on Sue's right thigh, one on Janets left,,,,,oooooze with them to the door,,,,,,, BANG!!!!!!!!!!  something from the top of the helmet,  hits against the  floater bar,,,,, DRAT!!!!!!!!... follow through with the exit.... dive dive dive..... grin to see the 3 way there,,, with   Kristie taggin' it,,,,  
  She's on it,,,, like as if as though  it was Sholtez with a grin on his face,,,,,    ;-)
Brandy is  docked.... Suesie Hughesie  there next     and Janny Jan Jan,,, in her slot  like as if as though Boxman himself ....was watchin' her..!!!!! The man with the wings,,,,, throws out every square inch of them!!!!!....( yes Johnny!!!  I was OK with those wings....)   deaccelerating to the speed of the formation....... stopping level with it..... dashing over to take Sues left wrist,,, and gently tugging her over with him,,, to complete the dock with Janet...... Yeah!!!!  the loop is closed...  Joey looks over his shoulder,,, Nods are given,,, Point 2 builds,,, then it's....( as Marcel would   say....)
 " a big circle.". Chuck is getting it all and everyone smiles  as jimmy rotates 360,, in the center.....
Wow..... what else can be said.....????

 

Well..... THIS can be said...... Chuck's eyes WIDEN>>>>> as he catches the deploying Spectre 210..... and SEEEEEES  only the BEST  camera that jimmy OWNS...... separating  from the batrack,,, and  continuing earthward,,,, " sans cypres".....
Jimmy is without a clue.......   doh!!!!!!
We land,   we grin, we praise each other, we high five,,, We each LIE about how " good we did".....Jimmy reaches up.... Uh Ohhhh... NO wide angle lens... bummer..... WHY  no wide angle lens?????.. because the damned CAMERA to   which it is attached,,,, is Likewise.... GONE!!!!!!!!  Gone....gone... lost...forever missing...
Oh  " Woe Is Me"..........gone,,,,, like the sun which has just slipped beneath the horizon, gone...like the grin on jimmy's face,,,,    gone....like a tandem student as soon as they are given the video....gone... like the sunny weather on a weekend....... Gone,,, like jimmys  earlier enthusiasm    for " big ways later"..Gone Like the 3 bottles of Labatts which jimmy slugged down,,,,, within 5 minutes of landing....gone like Henrys' lunch counter, just when you're hungry..Gone like  89 x ray when ya wanna
 make a hop & pop!! ;  - )    .and now.....
....Only darkness,,,, only bewilderment,,,, only uncertainty ,, only despair,,,,
only  a tandem student waiting for a video which seems never to be,,,,,,, for alas...
 ALL his raw footage has Just completed a
13,501 foot delay from 13,500 foot exit altitude................Ah wellllll at least  Chuck got  the verifying footage,,, which shows the camera WITH the batrack,,,,, alllllllmossstttt through Opening... only "not quite".......
....................... the phone call is made,,,,,"Nancy,,,I'm staying overnight,, and will Look for the Sony DCR-TRV 20..... in the morning.............".....She is Sympathetic.... : - )   Many say,, " You'll never find it"....." I'll try at first light "  replies jimmy  ... he  sleeps

 

 
.................Monday dawns hazy... muggy, humid, but no rain.   Coffee and eggs at the corner store,,, and plan the search...." Well maybe I'll just look from the road,, and it will be laying right on someones front lawn,,, undamaged and safe......ready to go back to work"...he thinks..
..Yeah right!!!!!!!   never happened........
Check with the neighbors, to our south,,,, pull in the driveway,,,
park... the dogs start barking... The lady of the house comes out,,,She says,,"Oh i remember you. You made the video for our son,,, we watch it all the time... Jimmys eyes light up... he explains  " i had a camera come off my helmet last night on the sunset load    may i look for it.??"
Her reply???....... "You Know My son said he HEARD something Crash into those trees last night while he stood out on the back porch..
    "   SAY AGAIN??????...... as amazing as it seems,,,,, Her statement was true  ! ... the teen came out and verified..... "Yes right over there in those woods,, I heard a  a LOUD crash,,,,, and when I looked up there were  10 or so parachutes flying around.....
..... So jimmy introduced himself as " one of the ten  "  to Matt...thanked him  and headed out into the woods.....
 

The woods.... Drat the woods.... wet,,,, dewey,,, heavily laden with undergrowth,, mud, downed trees,  standing water,,, mosquitos,,, gnats,,,, and  very likely,,, ONE smashed up camcorder.......An hour passed,, no luck,,, the shoes were soaked and the socks,,, the jeans, wet up to the thighs,,  perspiration heavy on the brow..... spirits lagging.....stumbling, stumbling... It was hellacious,,,

It was the deepest jungle. It was an equatorial quagmire... It was the Heart Of Darkness..... 
 " Oh the horror!!! the Horror!!!!"....jimmy was fading fast...
 Just then the teen arrived ,, bringing renewed enthusiasm, wearing a pair of rubber boots up to his knees,, carrying  a radio shack metal detector,  a fine attitude, and a willingness to search.  He was a man on a mission!!!..And so they  pressed on ... and on....and on...relentless......tiring yet hopeful, weary yet undaunted,, for that student MUST have his tandem video!!!!!
And then     suddenly   !!!!!    Kellys prayers to  Saint Anthony were answered..!!
For there..... lying like a swatted mosquito..,,, flip out viewfinder,,, nearly severed.....
 case busted open,,,,, lens gone, viewfinder gone, battery Gone!!!.....and absolutely
UN repairable,, lay the trv-20....  : -(   .....yes that same eye in the sky,, in front of which
so many club members, their guests, visitors and students had danced in the air.....
Jimmy spotted it first...
the broken body laying in mud,, the viewfinder trailing away into a puddle,,, held on only by the last tendons of electrical conductors..... shattered,,, destroyed,  smashed....once lost, but now recovered.
" I found it"   he called out... The teen came thrashing through the thickets....... Neither touched the striken recorder,,,The boy took his cue from the man,,, who bowed his head in fond rememberance of better times  and of the wonderful visuals which the two had witnessed together..he and the Carl Zeiss lens,,,...and of the last skydive the trv-20 would make.....
Mixed Emotions.....
A quarter hour  more of searching yielded the battery,,,the focusing ring, and a few small shattered pieces of the case....  littered about in the standing water..
    A solitary teardrop plinked into a puddle.....as the smashed video camera was lifted from the spot...
It was well busted up all right....must have hit the huge tree into which it flew, with a speed which would have maxxed out ANY Pro Track...Irreparable damage was done..components hung loose here and there,,, pc boards easily visible.through the cracks ... some of the insides... outside..
    Yet there was still a hint of a grin,, on the faces of the two muck walkers...For together they HAD  done the impossible.. They had dispelled the critics, they had  accomplished the unthinkable...The boys keen senses the evening before,, the stroke of pure luck which had out him outdoors at that instant  and which  had the family up and about   AND receptive  @ 7:10 A M,, and the persistance  of the
2 searchers had resulted in a recovery.....even though,,,,,, as the boys Mom had said... "it's a needle in a haystack"...Jimmy shook hands with Matt and thanked him,,, and gave him a cash reward for his assistance...As he lay the crumpled recording device onto the deck of the truck  ,,the dogs were barking...He waved to  them and turned the ignition key...

 

 
 
         As the white van drove past the south side of the   red barn the driver smiled.....Laura was sitting in the shade watching the swings while Elizabeth and Joey... gripped the chains, and flew.!!!!
Their Dad was packing a student rig  inside   when Jimmy came in mopping his brow with a bath towel and shaking his head,,, then from within the folds of the towel with a twinkle in his eye,  he produced the camera  and showed the rigger  what they had found..Joey was consoling...
   Oh well     " Que sera'  sera'  "..... what will be will be....That cameras work is done... 6 dozen fully filled tapes exist as testimony to its efforts ,  but  its time has passed.....The cassette was extracted with some difficulty and some damage. time will tell if the tandem video is salvageable.. the camera was not running,,, on its last skydive : - (
   He packed his javelin, and then the challenger 240,,,sighing as he loaded gear into the van.. and then enjoyed a few minutes  sharing grapes and nectarines with the Eberhardt  Family.....

 

 Checking  the time drove reality back into his head,, and with a heavy heart he left the dz,,, it was monday, for sure the phone had been ringing,, after all there was work to be done,,,, better get to it...He drove East...and picked up his appointment book from the dashboard of the truck.  A gentle breeze made the tree branches dance....
                                                                                               
 
 

 

Bravo on a great story Jim!    


Are you certain that Matt's real name is not Clark Kent Sr.?

The camera greatly resembles the rocket from Krypton to me.

And why shouldn't it go on another mission, whether it works or not?

 

 

How to annoy your co worker:

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah, here he is with the remains of his camera.  

I still can't believe he recovered it.


Notice that while the robotic portion of his skydiving outfit needs to be upgraded,

the biological portion of Jim is as fit as all of ours' after 2900 jumps.

Congrats on 32 years of success and enjoyment Jim!

 

But sympathetic about the camera,

Pete   

PS Here is the glossary of terms:

 
 
 by jmy  o[:-)
Glossary
" whuffos"     those ground bound folks who can' understand
                      jumpers and who ask,, " whuffo they jump from them
                           planes"????
" big way"     a formation jump with many people .. also called
                     "a 4 way" or an "8 way"  or a " 16 way" depending on how
                      many go... ( we used to say  "4 man"  or "10 man" or
                        "16 man".....but now we have so many women in
                         the sport that we realized it's bst Not to get them
                          mad at us...........  : - ) 
" BatRack"  
                    is a  model of helmet which carries multiple cameras
                    jimmy jumps with one
 
" swoooping".....  flying a fully open square parachute,, with
                           great speed and derring-do....very very close to the
                            ground,,, fast fast fast... in an effort to impress
                               the whuffos ( see above) and then running out
                              the landing and hoping not to trip... Fashionable
                              with the  "Mountain Dew Generation" ).. the
                               "oldtimers"  have seen enough ,, to KNOW
                                 better  and we Don't DO that
 
" floated"              when a jumper exits from fully outside the plane,
                            standing with a foot in the door, facing the fuselage,
                           and holding onto a grab  rail, either just inside the
                             header of the door, or else right on the exterior
                            surface of the fuselage itself..we use up to 5 or  6
                            floaters depending on the size of the jump..This
                           technique allows for more people at the door
                            at the moment of exit, with the "divers" packed
                             inside the cabin,,, ready to follow  We have front
                            floaters,, center floaters and rear floaters
                            A cameraman is almost Always rear rear floater
                             and we have  a seperate step and handle for our
                             use
 
"aerial dolphins"    a self created title which those who practice
                                 "freefly " skydiving use to further their solidarity...
                                "Freefly" jumping is anything other than
                                conventional face to earth body position.
                               Freefliers fall in a seated position,, or a fully head
                                down position,, ( yes!!! they Do go FAST !!!!! )
                               or on a surfboard, or any combination of the above
                               Freefliers and Formation enthusiasts share a
                               friendly " rivalry " regarding which is the
                                better "discipline"..
 
" VX-1000 "         Sony Camera which rides side by side with the
                             one which was lost,,, ( thus the need for the
                                BatRack )  the helmet also carries a 5 mp
                               still camera and an altimeter
 
"wait for red"
"wait for green"      Red light  on a panel near the door...comes
                              on when the pilot energizes it from the cockpit.
                               means,,, open door check for traffic..
                               Green light  again pilot activated, means you may
                               climb out and exit now.
 
" taggin' it "        when a jumper docks on a formation, right in place
                            and nice and cleanly, soas not to disturb it....and
                             does so at the proper time and location 
                           
" sans Cypres"
                    Cypres is an automatic activation device which can and
                      will activate a reserve if a jumper is falling at too great
                      a speed at too LOW an altitude   ( 80 mph @ 750 feet)
                        (even if the jumper is 
                                                                                 unconscious)
                    
" Boxman  Himself"
                        world reknowned dive organizer who mostly frequents
                        the bigger dropzones,,, and for whom ALL the girls
                        have the highest regard....   and when He's watching,
                        you better do well....
 
" Henrys Lunch Counter"   drop zone Cafe' which henry started 2 yrs
                              ago,,, got everyone spoiled with good food, on site,
                               at a fair price,,,, and then ABANDONED this year
                                since he isn't around very much.  : - ( 
 
" 89 X-Ray "     the 4 place Cessna 180 Jump plane which belongs to
                         the club but has been flying in Penn, from time to
                          time, in a effort to generate revenue.
                            
"hop & pop"    put on a parachute, take a plane to 3,000 feet
                        " hop"    out.... and since you better not freefall
                           TOOOOOO  far.....  " pop " the ripcord soon after exit
 
" Carl Zeiss Lens"    high quality lens which is used by Sony on its
                                   better cameras...
 
" rigger"      a man who is federally licensed to pack reserve
                     parachutes as well as mains, repair gear, sew and patch
                     train others,,,,  usually works  8 or 9 days a week..
 

"javelin"            brand name  of a harness/container system for sport parachuting

 
" challenger 240"   brand name of the main canopy in jimmys 2nd rig,,
                            so named because it's 240 square feet... Purchased years ago
                             with the funds earned from Pete and Mary,, for working
                              with them on the addition to the house in Wilton...
 
" second rig"            used when making Back to Back loads,,, with no time to
                                  repack...  
 

 

 

What do you think? Should he submit this to Readers Digest?

 

 

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