Best E-mails of the Week 6/29/03

 

This week: Men and Women

Here's a cool guy walking.

 

 

This is where we are planning to attend a very special wedding this fall.

Have you ever seen such nice water ripples on a web site? Click for English.

http://www.hotel-bursztynowy-palac.pl

 

 

 

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules
when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will
help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points
for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
played.

 

Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her! side the entire party.....0 You stay by her side for a
while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team.....-10

 

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's you".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned _expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000
GAME OVER - YOU LOSE !!!

 

 

 

 

Did you see Newsweek about marriages today being sexless because of

stress from work and kids?  The poor husband who admired his nursing wife

only to have her snap back: "These aren't for you.  They're for Jonathan!"

And Ray Romano was hilarious comparing frequency with quarterly tax returns.

 

 

 Speaking of hilarious, check out this big video file. 

You'll see why guys don't ask for directions.

Keep the sound on.

 

 

 

 

 

They found my computer problem, and it is between my keyboard and my chair!

 

Pete

 

 

 


 

Back to the Best E-mails Home Page