Best Emails of the Week

June 18, 2006

 

Happy Father's Day!

 

Greg's Father's Day card to me promised to cut off 10 to 12 strokes from my golf score.

I opened it to see the advice:

Just don't play the 18th hole!

 

What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their new baby?

 

 

 

 

Little Patty

 

 

 

Watch this report on NBC 4 news!  Don't think that only Jiffy Lube cheats.  I took a company Van to two Chrysler dealers and they did it too!

 

The great American buck strikes again.  If you have any doubts about the work being done on your vehicle check it out.  

Now you know why they say insurance doesn't allow you to watch them at work.


 PLEASE VIEW THIS IN ITS' ENTIRETY

http://www.nbc4.tv/video/9152183/detail.html


 

 

 

 

A  young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the  
other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by  hand.
He  notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not
from   the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to
question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the 
first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would  be  continued
in all of the subsequent  copies.

The head  monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies  for
Centuries,  but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the
dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are
held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of  years.

Hours go  by and nobody sees the old Abott. So, the young monk gets worried
and  goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the 
wall and wailing, "We missed the "R", we missed the  "R".

His  forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying  uncontrollably.

The  young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong,  father?"

With  a choking voice, the old abbot replies,

" After  all these years..... The word was Celebrate"

 

 

Thanks Sue for sending us these pictures:

Professional actresses Kelly and Kristen with Sue in sunny California.

 

Manfred, who is the leading expert at repairing electrical systems in helicopters, enjoys this one on vacation

 

Colorado River beneath Hoover Dam

 

Directly beneath the dam

 

Toasting in the Stratosphere

 

 

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
STUDENT : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
STUDENT : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

 

TEACHER : Jhony, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Jhony : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
Jhony : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : Jhony, give me a sentence starting with "I".
STUDENT : I is...
TEACHER : No, Jhony. Always say, "I am."
STUDENT : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
STUDENT : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
STUDENT : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

 

STUDENT : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
STUDENT: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
STUDENT: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : Now, STUDENT, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Jhony: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : Jhony, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
Jhony: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
 

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Jhony: A teacher

 

 

I read the story about Bruno the Bear killing livestock in Southern Germany at 4 AM.

I immediately did a domain search to see if I could purchase Bearvaria.com

But it was already taken.

 

 

Here I am again finishing this 7 mile race in front of our house. (62 minutes)

No I didn't take the picture of myself with the camera timer   (:<)

 

 

 

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only
> had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have
> passed the 8th grade in 1895?
> This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It
> was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley
> Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the
> Salina Journal.
>
>
>
> 8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS -1895
> Grammar (Time, one hour)
>
>
>
> 1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
> 2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
> 3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
> 4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts
> of"lie,""play," and "run."
> 5. Define case; Illustrate each case.
> 6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
> 7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you
> understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
>
>
>
> Arithmetic (Time, 65 minutes)
>
>
>
> 1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
> 2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many
> bushels of wheat will it hold?
> 3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel,
> deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
> 4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy
> to
> carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for
> incidentals?
> 5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
> 6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
> 7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per
> metre?
> 8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
> 9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of
> which
> is 640 rods?
> 10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt
>
>
>
> U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
>
>
>
> 1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
> 2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus..
> 3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
> 4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
> 5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
> 6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
> 7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn,
> and
> Howe?
> 8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849,
> 1865.
>
>
>
> Orthography (Time, one hour) Do we even know what this is??
>
>
> 1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography,
> etymology, syllabication
> 2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
> 3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals,
> diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
> 4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
> 5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions
> under each rule.
> 6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
> 7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi,
> dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
> 8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name
> the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell,
> rise,
> blood, fare, last.
> 9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane,
> fain,
> feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
> 10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by
> use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
>
>
> Geography (Time, one hour)
>
>
>
> 1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
> 2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
> 3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
> 4. Describe the mountains of North America
> 5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba,
> Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
> 6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
> 7. Name all the republics of ! Europe and give the capital of each.
> 8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
> 9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the
> sources of rivers.
> 10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the
> earth.
>

Still designing stuff for weather events,


Pete

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