Happy Mother's Day!
Mary and Pete,
Check this one out!!!
You'd have to be a real artist for this one, don't you think?
Sue
Thanks, Sue. It's a Mother's Day bouquet for everyone!
He asked a friend, Janna, to go with him.
(Who could turn down that cute smile!)
She is a sweet girl and very easy to talk with.
Liz
I know you monitor Best Emails Nick, so here is a permanent record of your junior prom.
KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST.....
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_____________
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math
multiplication On the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell
it!
_____________
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
______________
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
______________
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
______________
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is......
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
_____________
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."
_____________
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had! the ax in his
hand."
______________
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_______________
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
______________
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
______________
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees
a letter on the bed.
With the worst premonition, she reads it, with
trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
telling you that I have eloped with my new boyfriend;
I know how upset you will be but I am truly happy. I
have found real passion and he is so nice, with
all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But it's not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Arne
said that we will be very happy in his trailer
in the woods. He wants to have many more children
with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned
that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it to sell to support ourselves and our
children. In the meantime, we'll pray for the
science to find the AIDS cure, for Arne to get
better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know
how to take care of myself.
Some day I'll visit for I know you will want to
get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm over at Sarah's house. I
just wanted to show you that there are worse things in
life than the school's report card that's in my desk's
drawer ... I love you!
Many of you have asked how we transported materials when we built our house.
You know I would never pay those exorbitant delivery prices.
And buying a pick up truck just to use for the one house was out of the question.
Here's a picture of a typical load of plywood I would transport from the Lumber Yard.
Who says I can't get things done?
Just kidding. Here's the real scoop:
This picture is real - not
doctored in any way - and was taken by a
Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials
for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to
buy a camera to take pictures.
The car is still running, as can
be witnessed by the exhaust. A woman is
either asleep or otherwise out in the front seat passenger side. The driver
was jogging up and down on Rt. 925. (in the background)
Witnesses said their physical/mental state was OTHER than normal. The driver
finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched
behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the
load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed.
The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they
made the customer sign a waiver. While the plywood and 2X4s are fairly
obvious,
what you can t see is the back seat, which contains -- are you ready for this?
--
10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each. They estimated the load weight at 3000
lbs.
Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the back shocks were driven
through the floorboard.
The car, with FLA
(naturally) plates, was headed for Clanton, Al. where
the couple presumably planned to build a new house in which to smoke their
crack.
Thank goodness we have competent corporate store managers at giants like Home Depot.
Other wise this sale would not have been made.
At least they have their signed waiver.
Speaking of
construction, we used the nail gun (pneumatic hammer) a
little more safely than Isidro and his coworker:
LOS ANGELES (May 5) - A
construction worker had six nails driven into his head in an accident with a
high-powered nail gun, but doctors said Wednesday they expect him to make a
full recovery. Isidro Mejia made his first public appearance
Wednesday since the April 19 accident that left him with 3 1/2-inch nails
embedded in his face, neck and skull. He told reporters in Spanish from his
wheelchair that he does not remember much about the accident, but is
grateful to be alive. ''He says that he's very happy to be alive,'' said
Dr. Rafael Quinonez, a neurosurgeon who removed the nails at Providence Holy
Cross Medical Center. ''And he told me this morning that he thought he was
going to die. He was happy when he opened his eyes, and he saw that he's
still with us.'' Mejia, 39, was atop an unfinished home when he fell
from the roof onto a co-worker who was using the nail gun, Los Angeles
County sheriff's Deputy Mark Newlands said. The two men tried to grab each to keep from falling,
but both tumbled to the ground. At some point, the nail gun discharged and
drove the nails into Mejia's head. ''They're extremely powerful,'' Newlands said.
''They've got to drive through three-quarter-inch plywood.'' Quinonez said Mejia told authorities he remembered a
''shock'' to the back of his neck and little else before passing out. Three nails penetrated Mejia's brain, and one entered
his spine below the base of his skull. Doctors said the nails barely missed
his brain stem and spinal cord, preventing paralysis or death. ''We did not have too much hope that he would
survive, but we did it and he survived,'' Quinonez said, calling the
recovery ''close to a miracle.'' Mejia is walking with minimal assistance and speaks
somewhat slowly because his brain's speech center was affected, but his
progress has been ''remarkable,'' Quinonez said. With rehabilitation
therapy, he should fully recover, he said. ''He is basically normal,'' Quinonez said. Five nails were removed the same day and the sixth,
in Mejia's face, was removed April 23 after swelling went down, the hospital
said. Authorities cleared the co-worker of any wrongdoing. Here is a photo of a building lot on our new
subdivision project. The local Soil Conservation District agent
classified about a dozen invasive species in this small area. She will do a research project here too. I made a power point slide show presentation of
the invasive and native plants. This slide shows that the invasive, exotic shrubs
(barberry) are all in bloom before the natives. When we develop this site, we plan to attack the
invasives, to give the native plants a chance.
Speaking of attacking an invasive force, to give
the local natives a chance, Brad is doing his part as our hero in Iraq. With Saddam Hussein
gone, the native Iraqis have a fresh start, thanks to the sacrifices made by our armed forces. Here's what his wife Anita reports: Happy Mother's Day Anita. Your hero will return
before we know it. Take a minute to re-learn:
>
> A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady,
> who is fully
> dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair
> fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied,
> even though she is legally blind, moved to a
> nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently
> passed away, making
> the move necessary. After many hours of waiting
> patiently in the lobby of the nursing
> home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was
> ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator,
> I provided a visual description of her tiny room,
> including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on
> her window. "I
> love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an
> eight-year-old having just been presented with a new
> puppy. "Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room
> just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with
> it," she replied.
> "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
> Whether I like my room or
> not doesn't depend on how the furniture is
> arranged... it's how I arrange
> my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a
> decision I make every
> morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend
> the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have
> with the parts of my body that no longer work, or
> get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
> Each day is a gift,
> and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new
> day and all the happy
> memories I've stored away ... just for this time in
> my life. Old age is like a bank account ... you
> withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to
> you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the
> bank account of
> memories.
> 1. Free your heart from hatred.
>
> 2. Free your mind from worries.
>
> 3. Live simply.
>
> 4. Give more.
>
> 5. Expect less.
>
Pete
