Best E-mails of the Week 4/21/02

Do you know that a simple "HELLO" can be a sweet one?
I received one recently from my friend, in an e-mail she sent to me.
Here's what she wrote: Y
The word "HELLO" means:
H = How are you?
E = Everything all right?
L = Like to hear from you
L = Love to see you soon!
O = Obviously, I miss you...

So, HELLO!   It has made me smile everytime I say hello since then...
So send this message to the people you care about and say HELLO to them!
 

Things Found Only In America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning
"many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Moods of a Woman:
 An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
 A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
 She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
 But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
 Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
 She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
 She'll give you her change, enchant you in silk,
 She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
 At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
 She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
 

 Moods of a Man:
 Horny
 Hungry

INNER STRENGTH.....
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook people taking things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can always sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then........
You are probably the family dog.


I'm glad you're in my dash---
    I read of a man who stood to speak     At the funeral of a friend
     He referred to the dates on her tombstone    From the beginning...to the end.
 

     He noted that first came her date of birth     And spoke the following date with tears,
     But he said what mattered most of all      Was the dash between those years. (1934-1998)
 

     For that dash represents all the time     That she spent alive on earth...
     And now only those who loved her     Know what that little line is worth.
 

    For it matters not, how much we own;     The cars...the house...the cash,
     What matters is how we live and love     And how we spend our dash.
 

     So think about this long and hard...     Are there things you'd like to change?
     For you never know how much time is left,     That can still be rearranged.
 

     If we could just slow down enough     To consider what's true and real,
     And always try to understand     The way other people feel.
 

     And be less quick to anger,     And show appreciation more
     And love the people in our lives     Like we've never loved before.
 

     If we treat each other with respect,    And more often wear a smile..
     Remembering that this special dash     Might only last a little while.
 

     So, when your eulogy's being read    With your life's actions to rehash...
    Would you be proud of the things they say     About how you spent your dash?

 

Funny Signs

Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a military hospital door to endoscopy: "To expedite your visit, please back in"

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet ... miss your car payment."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait"

At a propane filling station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

 

Here is the Harry A. Gampel Pavilion at U Conn, where Greg will attend college in September. (His first choice of all 4 great colleges he was accepted to.)  When we were inside, we noticed they have not yet hung the rafter banner for the undefeated Lady Huskies Hoop Team.  But the $ billion plus they are investing in construction is evident everywhere.

 

Yesterday's NY Times on line again deviated from its theme of "all the News that's Fit to Print" when it saw fit to write about the current crisis in the Catholic Church, and quote this retired Venezualan Bishop:
Bishop de Guruceaga  knew about the criminal charges against Father Díaz, but blamed Bishop Daily of Brooklyn for not sending a stronger signal about their veracity. It was Bishop de Guruceaga who ultimately suspended Father Díaz's license five years after his Queens conviction. But the bishop said he did not involve the police because "it would have been a great scandal, and all the energies of the church would have been spent dealing with those who would take advantage — the Protestants and the communists." Is this retired bishop really a credible Catholic spokesman?

Funniest media quip of the week:  Actor Robert Blake has been out of work since his TV show "Baretta".  In fact his agent said "Bob, you couldn't get arrested in this town."

 

Former altar boy under Father Fussner,

 Peter T 

(Ad deim qui laetificat, = "The Lord be with you"  to which we altar boys would recite in Latin: Yoven tuetem meim = "And also with you.") We only memorized how to say it, not how to spell it!

 
 

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