Best E-mails of the Week 4/6/02

 

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
 3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of  this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?
  4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
  5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
 6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though  Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you  work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
 
Answers next week.    Sorry these are too easy for you Lou.   No- lions can live for three months without food I think.

Remember Bill Gates from last week?

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was  tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she  was met at the Pearly Gates by St.
Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven,"  said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a  problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources  Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with  you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd  like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a  day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you  want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I  prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have  rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it  went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself  stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the  distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in  evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks  and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and  at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and  lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda  cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such  a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook  her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.
     The elevator  went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter  waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he  said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and  playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent  a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your  eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I would say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the  elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of  the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland  covered in garbage and
filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and  were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her  and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman,  "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we  ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland  of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled.
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..."
 

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when a monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!
Replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.
And that, my friends, is how company policy begins

 

 

 

Here are real newspaper clippings:

 

 

  Here is a cool site showing traffic at two cameras on the Tappan Zee Bridge over the Hudson River. Was it really that long ago that I used to cross it so often to visit Mary when we dated?

www.thruway.state.ny.us/webcams

 

Here is the neoprene membrane and protective fabric we installed in the dam in the town where we are working now.  This construction should prevent the pond from leaking again, and allow ice skating next winter in the 150' x 150' pond rink.

The Little Dutch Boy,
Pete

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