Best E-mails of the Week 3/23/03

 

 

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race
>>>track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his
>>>shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and
>>>blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the next race.
>>>Low
>>>and behold, this horse- a - very long shot - won the race.
>>>
>>>Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure
>>>
>>>enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses
>>>placed
>>>, and blessed the forehead of one of the horses.
>>>
>>>Mitch made a bee - line for the window and placed a small bet on the
>>>horse,
>>>even though it was another long shot. The horse the priest had blessed
>>>won
>>>the race! Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which
>>>horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the next race.
>>>
>>>The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it , and it won!
Mitch,
>>>as
>>>the day went on, and the priest continued blessing one of the horses,
>>>and
>>>it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and
>>>by
>>>the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He
>>>made
>>>a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's
>>>blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
>>>
>>>True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the
>>>last
>>>race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the
>>>horses.
>>>Mitchell bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last!
>>>
>>>Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he
found
>>>
>>>the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father?" All day you blessed
>>>horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost!
Now
>>>
>>>I've lost my savings, thanks to you!
>>>
>>>The priest nodded wisely and said "That's the problem with you
>>>Protestants...you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing
>>>and
>>>the Last Rites".

The Bird
> Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since
she
> has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under
> the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
you
> the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother
you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my
parrot!"
>
> When the repair man arrives at Mrs.. Davidson's apartment the next day, he
> discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as
> she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go
about
> his business.
>
> The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
> yelling, cursing, and name calling.
>
> Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut
> up, you stupid ugly bird !"
>
> To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
 

 

We seem to be having a little animal theme this week, so here is a great animal story

that is absolutely true.  On Sunday before St. Patrick's Day my brother Lou and his wife Mary

hosted a great Irish dinner for us. They told us how Lou had left some cash on his desk, and their

son Chris's dog Tyler found it, and was chewing on it when Lou entered his home office. 

Lou pulled on the money, but it ripped in the dog's mouth as it ran outside.

Lou saw he had almost half of a one hundred dollar bill, but when he brought it to the bank,

the teller said she couldn't exchange it because one needs most of the bill.

So he thumb tacked it to his bulletin board.

Six weeks later Mary was cleaning up after the dogs in the snow.

She recognized green paper in the droppings, and called Lou who washed it down with a hose.

He taped the original and new pieces together and returned to the bank.

The teller said OK, I'll change it since there are serial numbers on both sides.

She asked Lou how he now had both pieces, and he said to her "You really don't want to know!"

That's as hard as I've laughed in years.

 

 

Here is a redneck pet carrier:

 

Here I am taking a well deserved rest after two years of publishing Best emails of the week

 I love this because it lets me communicate with you..

Thanks for sending me your emails that I post here for you and others. 

Keep those cards and letters coming!

 

Pete

 


 

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