Best E

> >You Know It's Time To Diet When..
> >
> >You dance and it makes the band skip.
>
> >You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
> >
> >You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
> >
> >Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
> >
> >You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
> >
> >You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
> >
> >You could sell shade.
> >
> >Your blood type is Ragu.

Translating Men's Secret Language

1. I'M GOING FISHING: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit
in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

2. IT'S A GUY THING: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with
it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

3. CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

4. UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, or alternately, YES, DEAR: Absolutely nothing. It's
a conditioned response.

5. IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN: "I have no idea how it works."

6. I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND: "I was
wondering about that red-head over there."

7. TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD: "I can't hear the game over
the vacuum cleaner."

8. THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR: "Are you still talking?"

9. YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,'
the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification
numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

10. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES: "The girl
selling them on the corner was gorgeous."

11. OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL: "I have actually
severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

12. HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING: "And I sure hope I think of
some pretty soon."

13. I CAN'T FIND IT: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless."

14. WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?: "What did you catch me at?"

15. I HEARD YOU: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend
the next 3 days yelling at me."

16. YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE: "I am used to the way you yell
at me and realize it could be worse."

17. YOU LOOK TERRIFIC: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

18. I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE: "No one will ever see us
alive again."

You may want to take a look at this site. It has info on Florida.

Gerald

Thanks Jerry! The lead article this month about the orange juice industry is great.

Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an
orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence,
both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake
and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt
you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In
fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the
same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never
knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and
work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake
slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with
soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have
a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over
with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're
smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, and no backbone.

The US needs the French to help us against Saddam Hussein like a hunter needs an accordion.

And, I went to Google.com to do some research. I asked it to search for any articles,

(Actually, France's Ch'Iraq would help his cause better if he didn't have such a great oil deal with Saddam

and if he didn't bully countries like Poland to Be Quiet or he will keep them out of the European Union.)

Here is Lenny's track hoe operated by Stash digging groundwater monitoring holes for me.