Best E-mails of the Week 02/02/02

Yes Lou, it was Pinocchio. (Mom knew it too.) Thanks for this tidbit:

Best E mails of the week any more words i mighta missed ? You can't scramble the letters just spread 'em out in different spots
best be es stem em ma mail mails ai ail ails so soft of oft the he hew ewe we wee week eek that's a total of twenty three words!
Also note Be stem ail soft he week uses em all in order. All words confirmed in the official scrabble dictionary!

Who said: "It's always more fun to give advice than receive it."

Two hunters from Michigan--(true story) This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan. A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog, and of course the new vehicle.

They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the
new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into
consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.

They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Now remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
-----------------BOOOOOMMMM!------------------------
Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!
And you thought your day was not going well?

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'
We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.
You say, "It's impossible."
God says: "All thing are possible". (Luke 18:27)
You say, "I'm too tired."
God says: "I will give you rest". (Matt 11:28-20)
You say, "Nobody really loves me."
God says: "I love you". (John 3:16 - John 13:34)
You say, "I can't go on."
God says: "My grace is sufficient." (II Cor. 12:9 - Psalm 91:15)
You say, "I can't figure things out."
God says: "I will direct your steps." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say, "I can't do it."
God says: "You can do all things." (Phil 4:13)
You say, "It's not worth it."
God says: "It will be worth it." (Romans 8:28)
You say, "I can't forgive myself."
God says: "I forgive you." (I John 1:9 - Romans 8:1)
You say, "I can't manage."
God says: "I will supply all your needs." (Phil 4:19)
You say, "I'm afraid."
God says: "I have not given you a spirit of fear." (II Tim. 1:7)
You say, "I'm always worried and frustrated."
God says: "Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say, "I don't have enough faith."
God says: "I've given everyone a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)
You say, "I'm not smart enough."
God says: "I give you wisdom." (I Cor. 1:30)
You say, "I feel all alone."
God says: "I will never leave you or forsake you." (Heb. 13:5)

On the lighter side, What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

Malcolm Forbes said: "It's always more fun to give advice than receive it."

You call her a Romin Catholic.

For next week, who knows which song was voted the best song of the 20th century?

You can call me Pete or you can call me Peter, but don't call me late to dinner.