Best E-mails of the Week 1/26/02

Children's Answers to Science Exam Questions
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Here is a photo taken exactly 12 years ago, which Raf wanted to give to his girlfriend, and I said Nope-it's irreplaceable until scanned. Who recognizes Great Grandma's hand made scarves?

THOUGHT TO PONDER
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our sails.
If the shoe fits......buy it in every color


"What happens when you pray"

I'm not crazy about these interpretations of God talking, but here it is. It does go on.
Our Father who art in Heaven. . . .
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying. . . .
But you called Me.
Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father who art in Heaven.
There, you did it again.
Did what?
Called Me. You said, "Our Father who art in Heaven. . . " Here I am. What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting my duty done.
All right. Go on.
Hallowed be thy name.
Hold it. What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be thy name."
It means.... it means ....good grief, I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?
It means "honored," "Holy," "Wonderful."
Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what "Hallowed" meant before. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you going to do about it?
Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.
Have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you. What about that habit of lust you have? And your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money...all on yourself. And what about the kinds of books you read?
Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those phonies at the church.
Excuse me....I thought you were praying for My will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.
Oh, all right! I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I'd like to, you know, be really free.
Good, now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together....you and I can have some victories that can truly be won. I'm proud of you.
Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.... Give us this day our daily bread.
You need to cut down on the bread too... You're overweight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this, "Criticize Me Day?" Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden You break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.
Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep on praying. I'm interested in the next part of
your prayer...... Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try Me and see.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
What about Sally?
See I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why she's told lies about me, cheated me out of money. She never paid back that debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even.
But your prayer......What about your prayer?
I didn't mean it.
Well, at least you're honest. But it's not much fun carrying the load of bitterness around inside is it?
No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I made some plans for ol' Sally! She'll wish she never did me any harm.
You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you are already. But I can change all that.
You can? How?
Forgive Sally. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Sally's problem and not yours. You may lose the money, but you will settle your heart.
But Lord, I can't forgive Sally.
Then I can't forgive you.
Oh, you're right! You always are. And more than I want revenge on Sally, I want to be right with You. All right! I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable, now that I think about it. Some way, some how, show her the right way.
There now! How do you feel?
Hmmm....not bad. Not bad at all, In fact I feel pretty great. You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed uptight tonight for the first time since I can't remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest.
You're not through with your prayer.....Go on.
Oh, all right.....And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Good...good. I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
Quit hanging around the wrong places, watching inappropriate movies and television, listening to sinful conversations; getting into compromising situations. Change some of your friendships. Some of your so-called friends are beginning to get to you. They'll have you completely involved in wrong things before long. Don't be fooled. They advertise they're having fun, but for you it would be ruin. Don't use me for an escape hatch.
I don't understand.
Sure you do. You've done it lots of times. You get caught in a bad situation, you get into trouble and then you come running to me. "Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise you I'll never do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me?
Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord. I really am.
Which bargains are you remembering?
Well, when the woman next door saw me backing away from the neighborhood bar. I'd told my wife I was going to the store. (Two sins! ;>) I remember telling you, "Lord, don't let her tell my wife where I've been. I promise I'll be in church every Sunday."
She didn't tell your wife, but you didn't keep your promise, did you?
I'm sorry Lord, I really am. Up until now I thought if I just prayed the Lord's prayer everyday, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like it did.
Go ahead. Finish your prayer.
Oh yes....For Thine is the kingdom and the power, and the glory forever and forever. Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory? What would make me really happy?
No, but I'd like to know. I want to please You. I can see what a mess I've made out of my life, and I can see how great it would be to really be one of Your followers.
You just answered the question.
I did?
Yes, the one thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I can see that happening between us. Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, well, there's no telling what we can do together.
Lord, let's see what we can make of me, OK?
Yes, let's see.

In the 1942 movie Bambi, the wildlife and fire scene were actually made for another animated movie from 1940. Which movie was that?

Pete