Best E-mails of the Week   1/19/03

 

Two guys from Buffalo, NY

  One day, two guys from Buffalo die and, well,... they end up being sent
  to hell.

  The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in
  parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire.

  The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
  The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Buffalo, the land of snow
  and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit,
  you know."

  The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the
  heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still
  dressed
  in parkas, hats and mittens.

  The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys
  feel
  that?" Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told you yesterday,
  we're
  from Buffalo, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a
  chance  to warm up a little bit, you know."

  This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two
  guys.
  He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and
  screaming every where.
  He stops by the room with the two guys from Buffalo and finds them in
  light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

  The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
  you
  two seem to be enjoying yourself." The two Buffalonians reply, "Well, ya
  know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Buffalo, we've just
  got to have a cook out when the weather's this nice."

  The devil is so absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally
  he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have
  been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in
  hell.

  The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
  everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,
  moan
  and gnash their teeth.

  The devil smiles and heads for the room with the Buffalonians. He gets
  there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens.  To
  his surprise, they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and
  screaming like mad men.

  The devil is dumbfounded. "I don't understand, when  I turn up the heat
  you're happy. Now it  freezing cold and you're still  happy. What is
  wrong with you two?"

  The Buffalonians look at the devil in shock,  "Well, don't you know if
  hell froze over, that must mean the Bills won the  Super Bowl!!!!!!!!!"
 
There was a young teenage girl that was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and her father a rather staunch Republican. One day she was challenging her father's conservative beliefs and his opposition to programs like welfare.
When there was a pause he calmly asked how she was doing in school. She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party, and often went sleepless because all of the studying. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of all her studying. The Dad then asked how her friend Mary, who was attending the same college, was doing. The girl replied that Mary was barely getting
by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, was very popular on campus, and was at parties all the time. She often wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over. The father then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask that they take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend that only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.
The girl fired back and said "that wouldn't be fair, I worked really
hard for mine and my friend has done nothing." There was a long awkward silence, then after a moment, the daughter replied, "Okay, Dad, I get it.
Now you can be sure I will never vote Democrat again.

 

"Subject: Fwd: Republicans Vs Democrats

 A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a  homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business
> >card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
> >The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless  person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached in the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.  Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats.

But the Republicans have a tough issue with tax free dividends.  My favorite comment was "The Republicans want to show that they will punish the corporate greed that led to huge stock option gains, so they are making sure that the CEO's who own these stocks do not have to pay tax on the dividends. That'll show them!"

 

I love being able to report and stop repeat Spam messages.  Here is an interesting one that lists prices that people pay for what I suppose are prescription drugs

Weight Loss
Apidex 1 month supply for only $110!
Bontril 1 month supply for only $85
Didrex 1 month supply for only $67
Ionamin 1 month supply for only $123
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Phentermine 1 month supply (15mg capsules) for only $57
Tenuate 1 month supply (75mg capsules) for only $67
Xenical 1 month supply (120mg capsules) for only $229
Phendimetrazine 1 month supply (35mg capsules) for only $119

Women's Health
Ortho Tri-Cyclen 84 (1pk) for only $109
Vaniqa (13.9%) 30gm, 1 tube for only $119
Nordette 28 1 month supply for only $33
Ortho Evra patch for only $33
Triphasil 28 (1 pack) for only $29

Men's Health
Propecia 1 month supply for only $97 a month!
Viagra 10 50mg tablets for only $129!

Skin Care
Retin A (0.1% 45gm) 1 tube for only $139
Renova (0.05% 40gm) 1 tube for only $139!

Sexual Health
Acyclovir 30 (200mg tablets) for only $69!
Valtrex 30 (500mg tablets) for only $179
Viagra 10 (50mg tablets) for only $129!

Pain Relief
Celebrex 50 (200mg tablets) for only $249!
Ultram 30 (50mg tablets) for only $149!
Vioxx 50 (25mg tablets) for only $249!
Fioricet 30 tablets for only $99!
Imitrex 9 (25mg tablets) for only $138!
Tramadol 30 (Generic Ultram 50mg tablets) for only $79!

Quit Smoking
Zyban 15 Day Supply (30 150mg pills) for only $229!

Anti -Depressants
Paxil 30 (20mg tablets) for only $179!
Prozac 30 (20mg pills) for only $168!
Zoloft 30 (50mg pills) for only $124!

Muscle Relaxants
Cyclobenzaprine 30 10mg Pills for only $99!
Skelaxin 30 (400mg pills) for only $95!
Soma 30 (50mg tablets) for only $149!

Anxiety
Buspar 30 (5mg tablets) for only $98!Laxatives
Senokot-S 30 (8.6-50 pills) for only $29!

 

 

 

Many readers have asked to see a picture of the management staff at Best Emails of the Week.com.  In a rare candid photo, they are shown in our spacious corporate offices:

 

 

 

 

  

And here are the back room boys,

where the real work for Best Emails gets done:

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                               

  Coming soon: -  pictures of our beloved CEO, hard at work (hardly at work).

 

 

 

More on my current heroes: the Wright Brothers!  Wil and Orv!

After 1903, they continued to fly until 1905, and then they took two years off to improve their plane.  The brothers built the original plane for less than $1,000 financed from their Dayton bicycle business only.  They tried to get the US military interested, and in 1908 they had interest from the US and also France and Germany. 

Picture the fall of 1909:

  Accompanied by their sister Katherine, Orville flies for exhibit in Germany and France, breaking records for altitude and distance before getting contracts to build planes from both countries.  Count von Zeppelin invites him on a dirigible ride from Berlin to Manheim, and Orville pulls out his stop watch to measure time between telephone poles to determine speed.    At the same time, Wilbur was flying around the Statue of Liberty for the US Army. Wilbur put a canoe covered with canvas under the plane for buoyancy in case it landed in the Hudson.  There had been one accident earlier when Orville's new propeller failed, and as he crashed and broke ribs and hip, his Army passenger was killed.  Wilbur was in Germany visiting Otto Lilienthal's widow at the time.


              Lilienthal before his fatal August 1896 crash

An interesting footnote after Wilbur's death by Typhoid fever at age 45, was how Orville had to battle the Smithsonian Institute, which tried to exhibit a plane built by former Smithsonian secretary Prof. Samuel Langley.  They corruptly advertised it as the first plane capable of flight in 1903, even though Langley could only dump it into the Potomac River. 

Orville had to defend patent infringements, especially one by aviator showman Glen Curtiss.  Here he is over the Syracuse State Fair in 1910.

Curtiss simply copied the Wright airplane, and lost in court.  He appealed, but the appeal never came to trial because of the outbreak of World War I.  He needed to show that there was successful flight before the Wright Brothers, so he convinced the Smithsonian in 1914 to allow him to take Langley's plane out of the museum and attempt to fly it.  He explained that he had to make a few modifications, and the Smithsonian allowed these to be inspected by the same man who was Curtiss' hired expert witness at his trials!

Curtiss flew the plane for 5 seconds, and so the Smithsonian continued to attribute credit to their associate Langley.  Orville protested, and offered his 1903 flyer to a London museum instead.  Orville had to wait for corrupt Smithsonian secretaries defending their predecessor until 1942 when they finally issued a statement that listed all the modifications to the Langley plane that Curtiss had made, according to Orville.  They acknowledged that the plane would not have flown earlier without the Wright technology.

Whether the young Wrights had to endure neck pain from flying in a sled like position, or traveling the world and meeting Europe's royalty, they always conducted themselves with style and class.  They were problem solving scientists and engineers who never went to college.  They did what no one else could with just the resources of each other.  What models they are for today's entrepreneurs, tinkerers or researchers.  As the centennial of their first flight approaches, let us remember what good old American ingenuity can accomplish.

THE ORIGINAL WRIGHT BROTHERS AEROPLANE
THE WORLD'S FIRST POWER-DRIVEN,
HEAVIER-THAN-AIR MACHINE IN WHICH MAN
MADE FREE, CONTROLLED, AND SUSTAINED FLIGHT
INVENTED AND BUILT BY WILBUR AND ORVILLE WRIGHT
FLOWN BY THEM AT KITTY HAWK, NORTH CAROLINA
DECEMBER 17, 1903
BY ORIGINAL SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH THE WRIGHT BROTHERS
DISCOVERED THE PRINCIPLES OF HUMAN FLIGHT
AS INVENTORS, BUILDERS, AND FLYERS THEY
FURTHER DEVELOPED THE AEROPLANE,
TAUGHT MAN TO FLY, AND OPENED
THE ERA OF AVIATION

- Inscription on the 1903 flyer at the Smithsonian Institution

 

 

 


 

Pedro


 

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