Wishes for the New Year
your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your
triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count
and your mortgage interest not rise.
May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your
cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist,
your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist,
your plumber, and the IRS.
May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere
during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get
there may you find a parking space.
May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what
others see in you delight them.
May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until
you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance.
May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day
to your spouse, your child, and your parent, your friends.
May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the
awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's
unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful,
astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.
Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace, much love during the next year and all those that follow.
I have been
guilty of looking at others my own age and thinking...surely
I cannot look that old.........I'm sure you've done the same.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new
dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly,
I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my
high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I
quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with
the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local
high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1957."
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
>>It seems that there is a virus out there called the Senile Virus that
>>even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot
>>take care of, so be warned, it appears to affect those of us who were
>>born before 1950!
>>
>>Symptoms of Senile Virus
>>
>>1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice.
>>2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
>>3. Causes you to send to wrong person.
>>4. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you.
>>5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
>>6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
We had a great time at the Christmas Party at our house,- especially when I took out my present from Mary: A Karaoke machine!. Once I got started there was no stopping me. When some of the kids asked if they could sing a song after I sang about ten, I remember responding: "No you can peel this mike out of my cold dead hands before I will give it up!" (Only kiddin)
Here is a great site about Karaoke if you love to sing:
Click here: KARAOKE.com : Karaoke CDs Machines Players Music and Karaoke Songs
Hello, and welcome to the mental health
hotline......
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press
2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with
the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
address, telephone number, date of birth, social
security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
s-l-o-w-l-y &c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
press 0 0 0.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message
after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay
down &cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde don't press any buttons,